Floundering

[mslulu]

Wednesday night, I stared at the 23 page background report I had to complete on myself for the CYA appointment I had on Thursday. I was so close to deliberately self-destructing, deciding it was more trouble than I wanted to deal with, and blowing off the entire meeting, thus ending my eligibility for the Youth Counselor job.

Somehow, I managed to make myself do it. I finished the paperwork, got out of bed Thursday morning, and awaited the assault of tests on my mind, body and eyes. I passed the vision test (which surprised me), I took the MMPI and one other psychological evaluation, then came the physical agility test. First test - endurance. I bombed. Well, I was close, but I missed the passing score, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't walk, and there was no point in going on to the other tests.

I left, feeling like crap, thinking I should have just blown it off altogether. Then, I checked my cell phone. There was a message from DHHS. I'd been waiting to hear back from them on that interview I had a couple of weeks ago. "This is Robert, please give me a call, I'd like to hear from you." Sounded promising, I called and left a message, then spent the next fourty minutes practicing how to say "I quit" to my current bosses.

When he called back, it was to say that I was a strong candidate but wasn't being offered the job, but please keep trying.

FUCK!!!

So now, I have to retest for CYA in January. I still have a medical exam and the background investigation to get through before that. I still haven't heard from the police department.

I feel like I'm going to be stuck at this stupid job I hate forever. I just wish I had a sick day so I could stay home today and cry.

Comments

I'm sorry :(

[katz170.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear :( I totally understand your frustration and I wish I had something uplifting to say...I know that you have a great chance to do something better than E*Trade. You're super intelligent and have great skills. The job market is complete crap these days (believe me, I know) and it's very tough out there. Wait a few months...it will pick up. You won't be there forever, you're too smart for that.

*hugs an' a ton glittery smiles*

[sylvan.livejournal.com]

I'm not very good at the comforting thing. I excel at being a bitch, ask anyone. But here goes:

While I have just reconnected with you, you still seem to still be intelligent, creative and dedicated. Sometimes the brass ring just cannot be grabbed the first couple go-rounds.

My understanding is that you are changing careers, and that is never quick and simple. (Unless you have the lofty goal of burger flipper)

Also consider that while you did not get the job this time, you are considered a strong candidate and they want you to keep trying. They could of just said shove off. I mean if you are just entering this field that is great for you. You piqued their interest. And let's face it, today's job scene is hardly a buyer's market.

You have a dream, and it is a good dream. Do not let a little set back ruin it. I'm sure you know this already, but sometimes it is good to hear it.

I hope that helps, at least a little.

Also, you could always pull the fire alarm for some time off from work. ;)

Re: *hugs an' a ton glittery smiles*

[mslulu.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the boost.

How come we were never better friends back in the days when we were actually regularly in the same place at the same time? What an opportunity I missed to have had a great friend all this time.

Re: *hugs an' a ton glittery smiles*

[sylvan.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the compliment.

Here are a few reasons:

1. I wasn't as cool as I am now, and I spent a majority of that time being drunk and/or high and hiding from my sexuality with an overprotective wench. You remember Ferin?

2. I believe we often found we were on opposing sides of 'cast politics'.

3. I know Kevin disliked Ferin, and I'm pretty sure he disliked me too. He could have influenced it a bit.

4. You were very close to George, which placed you in the upper echelons of Erotic Nightmares, at least in my mind. I was quite intimidated by those folks I considered the 'RHPS Cream of the Crop."

I does suck. I try not to regret things though. Let’s just toast to a friendship ahead.

Re: #4

[mslulu.livejournal.com]

Hee hee... me, one of the cool kids. Only in the world of RHPS could that ever happen.

Poor thing...

[lubeguy.livejournal.com]

Terri, I need you to do me a favor. It's going to sound hokey, but just do it, for God's sake. Take a piece of paper and write out the things you like about yourself, the qualities that you feel are your best. Title it "What I say about me". Take another piece, and write down what other people say they like about you. Title it "What others say about me". Start it off with my entry: You are an extremely imaginative, creative and intelligent person. You are surrounded by good friends, and the only way that happens to people is if they ARE a good friend themselves, so I have to assume that you are. That means you are unselfish, kind, caring, nurturing and loving. All this I know, just from reading others responses to your postings, and I haven't even seen you in 10 years. But I do remember the time we spent together, and I remember what a great person you are. Now, take these two pieces of paper and post them up in a prominent place (bathroom mirror is best). This sounds kinda funky, New Age, corny, etc., but you will not believe the difference it will make in how you feel about yourself, just that little reminder everyday of what your friends say about you. And of course, the benefits will begin to extend beyond your self-esteem, and your positive energy will start to affect how others, even new people you just met (say, on an interview) see you. You must trust me on this. Please, do it! Let me know how it's going. And remember, we all care a great deal for you, and we share your pain in times like this.