Life... now what?

It was one of those nights where I woke up about 4 times, looked at the clock, couldn't believe it was still as early as it was, then went back to sleep. The dreams I had through it all were all vivid and weird, and I think, continued after each waking period.

It started with "The Kimberly Trip on Ice!" Well, okay, they were playing at an ice rink, not actually skating. (Not quite sure how rollerskating last night with jeffry_wynne, bractune and duncan_blkthrne translated to ice in my dreams. Maybe lingering thoughts of the tales from the Sierra Tahoe gig...) Anyway, there were a couple of women there who didn't like me and were being mean to me, saying mean things. I lay down to take a nap and ended up sleeping through the gig.

Afterwards, I think plans were made with bractune to meet up later, somewhere, I don’t know. But I left the ice rink, which was conveniently located where my childhood friend, Kari’s house was, just down the street from my childhood house. So I walked home, but when I got there, I realized it wasn’t my house anymore, and I didn’t have a key. So I thought about going to my dad’s but that wasn’t his house anymore either, so I couldn’t go there. Then I figured I’d just head on to bractune’s place, but I didn’t have a car, and the bus routes were far too complicated.

So I’m walking down the street, with nowhere to go, when my friend Robert from Missouri rides up on a tandem bike, and invites me to come to his house. After some adjusting of the rear seat of the tandem, I rode home with him. We got back to his house, and I was getting situated, and somehow, bractune knew I was there, and showed up after a little while, and then I don’t remember anything else.

I woke to a disturbing memory of childhood. I can't remember for certain, but I think it was the start of my school-years torment from the other kids in school. I was very young - probably not quite 6. I had just been transferred from the kindergarten to the 1st grade after what felt like a long fight with the public school administration to put me in a class where I might actually learn something.

I had gone to the bathroom at recess, and while I was in the stall, some other girl had started knocking on the door asking who was in there. I didn't know her, and I was afraid to speak. This started some sort of small commotion as the first girl began gathering other girls in an attempt to find out who was in the stall. I sat there, paralyzed with fear as they began climbing the walls to look over at me. "There's some kindergartner locked in the bathroom!" they said to each other, pounding on the walls, "come out, Kindergartner!" I couldn't move. All I wanted to do was finish what I was doing and leave, but now I couldn't because all these people were watching me and waiting for me to come out. And I was too afraid to speak out, to tell them who I was and that I belonged in that part of school, and I'd like a little privacy, thank you.

I don't remember how it ended. I think one of them must have called the yard duty lady, convinced that I was a lost kindergartner who had some how broken out of the fenced in kindergarten playground and made it into a bathroom on the far other end of school. I've just never understood why it was so important to them to know who was using the bathroom. Why would anyone want to talk to someone through a bathroom stall if they didn't know them?

I'm going back to bed now. Maybe I can sleep this off.