Some things about me.

I am not allowed to doubt myself.
I am not allowed to admit to others that I may doubt myself.
I must always appear confident, sure of myself, and happy with where my choices landed me.
If my decisions are not turning out like I expected, I must pretend to everyone that they are.
I must be happy with my life.
I am not allowed to cry.
I have to get it perfect the first time.
Failure is not an option.

That being said, I think it's time to start considering grad school. Which of course leads to more decisions, like what to study. Sociology? Social Work? Maybe I should get a credential and teach elementary school. Can I get into a CA state school if I haven't had classes like Public Speaking, or the math class which the Mahdi loves so much. Can I work full time and go to school full time without killing myself? If so. where would I work?

And what would I do once I graduated? Teach? Social work? Manage a Blimpies?

I thought I had my life figured out. Or at least my career. I'm not sure now. I'm not sure this isn't where I want to be, but then again, I'm certainly not sure that it is.

Last Night

I had a really great time with my friend James. I hadn't seen James since 1985, and I don't think that we really knew each other all that well then, but a couple of years ago he emailed me out of the blue, we exchanged a few very wordy, introspective letters to each other. As often happens with correspondence and me, we kinda fizzled on keeping up the conversation and I actually hadn't heard anything from him for two years.

So, I got an email Monday saying he was in Foster City, did I want to meet for dinner. Hell, yes, I did. So, Tuesday, I met him at his hotel, and we ended up driving out to Half Moon Bay to stand on the beach for a while, then we went up to Moss Beach and had dinner at the Moss Beach Distillery, which is famous for being haunted. There was a bit of that uneasiness that I get in places that have paranormal activity, but no major ghost sightings.

I really had a great time, just driving around, and talking and getting to know this man all over again, now that we are no longer 15. It was kind of bizarre, in a sense, that we just fell into very comfortable conversation as if we had been longtime constant friends who saw each other regularly, not near strangers with a 17 year chasm of time between us. Bizarre, but good.

I had a blast. Didn't get home until 11:30 and I had to be up at 4, but I just didn't care. One night of lost sleep is more than enough to trade for a great night with a new/old friend.