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The bisexual closet
May. 11th, 2002 11:19 amIt really bothers me that in today's world, it's pretty much okay to be either lesbian or straight, but if you are truly, legitimately bisexual and you disclose this to the male or female that strikes your interest, it's a problem. Bisexual's can't be trusted to be monogamous. It seems to be universally assumed that a bisexual woman believes that the attraction to both sexes is license to cheat, as long as it's with a person who is the opposite sex of the one she's currently dating.
Unfortunately, there is a precedent for this assumption. A quick scan of the women seeking women personals will show that nearly every woman who lists herself as bisexual is in a relationship with a man and looking for a little fun on the side. Listen to LoveLine with Dr. Drew, and you'll hear many tales of guys whose girlfriends have just told them that they are bi and they have a girlfriend too. It doesn't help matters that Drew states that every time a girl tells her boyfriend she's bi, she's telling him she doesn't want a permanent thing. Thanks, Drew.
There is such a negative stigma on bisexuality, it makes us feel we have to hide our true nature. I'm looking for a relationship. But I can't tell the guys I that I like girls too, because then they either get dreams of threesomes, or they panic, assume I'm going to cheat on them, and run. I can't tell the lesbians that I like guys because they assume that I'm flaky, have no real sense of myself, and that I'm going to leave them for a guy eventually anyway.
So I have to lie. I have to present myself as straight or as lesbian in order to even meet someone, then hope that they'll not freak when they learn that my ex, Frankie, is a girl, or that I've dated guys and don't hate men. Even worse, when I meet a woman who publicly identifies as bisexual, I assume she's not seriously looking for a relationship and won't consider her as such.
I've lived as straight. I've lived as lesbian. The truth is, I'm not either.
But that doesn't mean I want both. I want a committed, monogamous relationship. I want to find one person who I could spend the rest of my life with. I just don't know if that person is a guy or a girl, and I don't want to have to make that choice before I even start looking.
Unfortunately, there is a precedent for this assumption. A quick scan of the women seeking women personals will show that nearly every woman who lists herself as bisexual is in a relationship with a man and looking for a little fun on the side. Listen to LoveLine with Dr. Drew, and you'll hear many tales of guys whose girlfriends have just told them that they are bi and they have a girlfriend too. It doesn't help matters that Drew states that every time a girl tells her boyfriend she's bi, she's telling him she doesn't want a permanent thing. Thanks, Drew.
There is such a negative stigma on bisexuality, it makes us feel we have to hide our true nature. I'm looking for a relationship. But I can't tell the guys I that I like girls too, because then they either get dreams of threesomes, or they panic, assume I'm going to cheat on them, and run. I can't tell the lesbians that I like guys because they assume that I'm flaky, have no real sense of myself, and that I'm going to leave them for a guy eventually anyway.
So I have to lie. I have to present myself as straight or as lesbian in order to even meet someone, then hope that they'll not freak when they learn that my ex, Frankie, is a girl, or that I've dated guys and don't hate men. Even worse, when I meet a woman who publicly identifies as bisexual, I assume she's not seriously looking for a relationship and won't consider her as such.
I've lived as straight. I've lived as lesbian. The truth is, I'm not either.
But that doesn't mean I want both. I want a committed, monogamous relationship. I want to find one person who I could spend the rest of my life with. I just don't know if that person is a guy or a girl, and I don't want to have to make that choice before I even start looking.
