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I hate when friends break up
Jun. 18th, 2001 10:09 pmSometimes, I find myself considering an otherwise happy couple among my group of friends and wondering when they break up, which one do I get to keep? Okay, maybe that's overly cynical of me, but experience has shown that it's practically inevitable. Not the break-up. I think it is actually possible for two people to find each other and be together and be happy... I'm not quite that callous yet.
But if there is a break-up, how do you stay friends with both of them? It's difficult, especially when one or both of them is coming to you for support and understanding. I try not to take sides, but it happens. One person eventually gains my support above the other and the other person drifts out of my life, because it's more comfortable than trying to juggle social engagements. I'm fortunate that of many of these break-ups, I've eventually managed to regain my friendship with the lost partner, but only after months, sometimes years. It only happens when the former couple is comfortable enough around each other again and can consider each other friends.
I'm currently dealing with a situation that is becoming extremely difficult for me. I've known him longer, but I find myself sympathizing with her. I understand completely why she ended the relationship because I've been in the exact same situation. Eventually, I had to end it, as did she. I was there for this man some years back when his marriage was ending, but now, I don't know if I can be there for him. He wants to believe that she will take him back if he just lets her have her space. I cannot support that and cannot encourage him in that direction, even though he wants me to do so.
My response to this conflict is to pull away from him. To avoid the social gatherings at his house. To put off taking breaks with him while we're at work. To pretend I'm too busy to answer his email promptly. Okay, probably not the most emotionally mature response, but I don't know how else to deal with him without putting my own mental well-being at risk.
But if there is a break-up, how do you stay friends with both of them? It's difficult, especially when one or both of them is coming to you for support and understanding. I try not to take sides, but it happens. One person eventually gains my support above the other and the other person drifts out of my life, because it's more comfortable than trying to juggle social engagements. I'm fortunate that of many of these break-ups, I've eventually managed to regain my friendship with the lost partner, but only after months, sometimes years. It only happens when the former couple is comfortable enough around each other again and can consider each other friends.
I'm currently dealing with a situation that is becoming extremely difficult for me. I've known him longer, but I find myself sympathizing with her. I understand completely why she ended the relationship because I've been in the exact same situation. Eventually, I had to end it, as did she. I was there for this man some years back when his marriage was ending, but now, I don't know if I can be there for him. He wants to believe that she will take him back if he just lets her have her space. I cannot support that and cannot encourage him in that direction, even though he wants me to do so.
My response to this conflict is to pull away from him. To avoid the social gatherings at his house. To put off taking breaks with him while we're at work. To pretend I'm too busy to answer his email promptly. Okay, probably not the most emotionally mature response, but I don't know how else to deal with him without putting my own mental well-being at risk.
