mslulu: (Default)
*Disclaimer: While on a related subject - friendship, this post is not in any way related to or inspired by todays f-list top issue, except maybe as a side note to something [ profile] mahdi said to me privately earlier today. No, this is far more self-centered self-analytical. It's been on my mind for a while and I've been meaning to write for a while, and I have no cash and nowhere I want to go for lunch today, so I'm sitting and trying to write it out.

I've been looking at my life in the past and now and how I relate to people, how I find and make friends, what defines someone as a friend to me, and the evolution of my social circle. I may hit on all of these subjects as I write, or I may miss some. If I do, fuck it. My journal, my rambling, disconnected thoughts.

In my late teens and early twenties, the center of my social circle was Rocky Horror. This was oddly relatively healthy for me. I made friends on my own, and I felt like my friends were really my friends (or if they were the two-faced backstabby type as we all know populate Rocky Casts in droves, they were my two-faced backstabby type friends) I lost a good deal of my autonomous identity when I was with George, but still, there were few people that I was friends with who I thought were only my friend because of my friendship with George.

In college, I met all of my friends through Kevin and Randy. They were the center of my social circle. Other people I knew, and I was friends with were really only Kevin and Randy's friends. They just hung with me because I was there with Kevin and/or Randy.

This pattern continued over many years, the center of my social life changing from time to time, but always, my friends were my friends because I was someone else's friend.

In 1998, when I moved back to CA, the only people I knew when I got here were [ profile] mahdi and [ profile] edgylesjr. Ed, for those who know him, is terminally busy, so most of my new friends were made through Michael.* Quickly, I grew a small circle of friends, with Michael at the center of it. So, yes, again, my friends were my friends because I was Michael's friend, and I was dependent on Michael for my acceptance and placement in the circle.

Eventually, this circle grew into a tight little clique that became my family, despite a cancerous level of dishonesty and pretention. However disfunctional it was, it was my family, and when it started to break up, like a kid who doesn't want to see his family torn apart in a divorce, I fought like hell against the change. But it broke. Everything broke. Some of us went one way, some went the other. I was Michael's friend, so I was associated with him, villified along with him, cut out along with him. (okay, I did do my own share of really dumb shit that contributed to the mess, but that's a whole different story and interferes with my mental imagery here.)

And then, I lost Michael as the center of my social circle.

This is not a bad thing. Nothing insulting intended toward Michael, (I think he understands what I'm saying). We're currently a little distanced, but that's circumstantial and not something I foresee as a permanent situation.

What I mean, is that I no longer had Michael to find friends for me. While I met a couple of new people through Michael, he was meeting people that I still have never met, and I was on my own to make and cultivate my own friendships.

It's been two years now, and I look at my life, and my friends, and how they all interact with each other (or don't interact with each other as the case may be), and I realize that currently, the center of my social circle is me. My friends are my friends. There are a lot of different levels of friendship in the circle, but there's nobody who serves as a "go-between" connecting me to my friends. There are few people I can identify that I would lose as friends because they had a falling out with someone else I know. (hell, I'm still trying to figure out how I managed to maintain friendships with two people who had one of the uglier break ups in recent memory). I even have friends that Michael's never met! Nyah!

But, I guess the point of all this is that, this is kinda neat. I've not had this kind of a social network in a long time, if really ever, where I'm an independent member, and not just an attachment to someone else. I'm enjoying it. And I'm enjoying all of you who have welcomed me into your lives and are allowing me to get to know you.


*For the record, I've recently made a few new friends through Ed, one of them ([ profile] underpope) even without Ed's participation. Just vaguely amused at how small a world it is.
mslulu: (Default)
Way, way too late for me to still be up. Still feeling a little wired, although I'm sure I'll be out cold as soon as I'm horizontal.

Had a great time tonight. The Kimberly Trip gave an ass-kicking performance. The Brodys were fun to dance to, even if I was listening from outside the bar by that point. Conversation and Irish Mist is a wonderful combination.

And thanks, [ profile] devafall, for the pleasant reminder of loved music that had been lost behind the closed door of one of my life's chapters.
mslulu: (Demon Head)
So, I've been pondering an old family tradition, french fries and cheese gravy. For the record, it's not as frightening as it sounds. A few people I know now are squeamish when presented with the word "gravy," but you substitue the word "sauce" and it's the same idea. However, in my family, it's gravy. It's also kind of a social event. We'll all gather around the kitchen, cutting and frying the potatoes, nibbling as we go.

Anyway, the point being, I intend to prepare this dish for others sometime. But, it occurred to me last night that when we've made it before, I've always been on cheese duty. I don't really know about the frying aspect - how hot, how long to cook, etc. I've never actually deep fried anything in my life.

So I cut up a few potatoes last night to do a dry run. They turned out okay. The first batch was a little soggy, so I turned the heat up on the oil. The second was better, although still a bit soggy since they were already cooking at the lower temperature when I realized the oil needed to be hotter.

I'm now confident that I can make decent french fries.

I also know now that it's very important to make sure the pan is completely dry before pouring the oil into it.
mslulu: (Default)
Quote wars can be amusing. Especially when you're quoting your own friendship, instead of movies, songs, books... whatever people usually quote.

LostGirl88: I'm nekkid!
GypsyKevin: Turkey turkey turkey
LostGirl88: Work it Jesus, Shake it!
GypsyKevin: Hi, my name is Teri...can you unzip my dress?
LostGirl88: You know, my cats like me much better now that I've stopped biting them.
GypsyKevin: Where's Harry Kim?
LostGirl88: Shut up, Frankie!
GypsyKevin: Bump? What bump?
LostGirl88: Chips? Ice water?
GypsyKevin: Chicken cat!
LostGirl88: You can't leave. You have to help me carry the table down to the trash, then we're gonna have sex.
GypsyKevin: Ok fine, you win. I thought I had you with chicken cat!

Okay, so it's all private jokes, and all out of context, so nobody really gets it but me and Kevin (and Chryste to some degree) but I love Kevin.
mslulu: (Default)
Dinner conversation with Lemur Hunter left me feeling nostalgic for the theatre and the cast that once made up my "real family." Some of the little things and the people that stick in my mind:

*The view of the courtyard from the upstairs lounge - Anyone for a game of Drop the Olive?
*Nate and Sylvan, who actually put the effort into being Spectacular Criminologists
*Sitting in the upper section of the theatre just watching the cast perform
*The Tech Crew - these guys (and girls) rocked... this amazing force of beings in all black who swarmed onto stage quickly rearranging the sets
*Watching George play Riff, trying to figure out how he got from the tank to the control panel without seeming to touch the ground
*Lunatic - the "Official Cast Special Effect"
*Sneaking around and being naughty behind the screen
*Denise as "The Swedish Erotica Chef"
*Sneaking around and being naughty in the back alleys
*Melanie... my first love
*Thanksgiving dinner with the cast/crew
*The plethora of Trannies
*Playing Magenta as Morticia Addams, with Russ as Riff/Gomez
*The ankle eating stage
*The neck breaking stairs
*The amazingly beautiful theatre itself

I could go on. Sometimes I really miss those days. Of course, this isn't to say that I'm ignoring the screaming matches, the vicious politics, and all the nastiness that comes with it, but today, I'm just focusing on the good.

I went into the Borders that the Varsity became only once. I nearly cried.


mslulu: (Default)

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